ON NOVEMBER 8, 2019 BY ELIZABETH HERLIHY
During early childhood (ages 3 to 8), children begin to develop schemas based on people they know. This means that they organize information they gather from people they see and associate certain people with various characteristics. One of the most important schemas children start to learn around the age of 3 involves gender. Children start to understand that there are societal expectations and interests that make boys and girls different. This association becomes very strict at first but over time they may come to see that boys and girls can like a lot of the same things.
How Do Children Develop Their Gender Identity?
Children can begin to categorize certain things as “girly” or “only for boys” as a result of what’s known as observational learning. This is when children observe their parents or other family members behaviors and associate these behaviors as gender roles. This was discovered in Albert Bandura’s “BoBo Doll” study in which children overserved an adult punching a doll. When the children were then left alone with the doll, they too chose to punch and yell at it. If their mom wears make-up, they may see make-up as something that is only for girls. If their dad drives a truck, young boys may see trucks as something that only boys can be interested in. These gender roles are also being reinforced through the media. You may have noticed that all commercials for Barbie dolls feature young female actresses. This shows young boys that Barbies are something that only girls can play with. On the opposite end of the spectrum, you may have also noticed that only young boys are seen playing with superhero toys. When these gender roles are reinforced in a child’s everyday life they start to stick with them and dictate their emotions behind certain situations.
Why Are These Schemas Important?
Gender Schemas are important because they allow children to make sense of the world around them. By putting objects or occupations into categories, it allows them to better understand themselves and the society they live in. It is important for children to be able to make connections between themselves and others. Sandra Bem’s research has shown that children who understand gender schemas are also better at processing information about themselves. (Blem, 1981). Throughout early childhood, kids become more and more aware of their own gender identity and where they fit into society. This can, however, have negative implications. It is common in our society to view men as overly tough people who rarely show their emotions. This is an unrealistic and unhealthy expectations of men that many children learn at a young age when they are told to “man up” or “act like a man”. Another negative schema is that women can not be interested in certain fields of study. These gender norms can be highly damaging and is one of the main reasons why young girls become less and less interested in STEM fields of study as they enter adolescence. Many of these negative implications of putting our children into two distinct boxes of what society thinks a girl should be and what a boy should be, have caused some parents to look at how they raise their children differently.
How Do You Raise A Child Gender-Neutral?
There is a new trend arising in young parents in which they decided to raise their child with no gender. The government is backing up this decision with some states offering an “X” option when stating a baby’s gender on their birth certificate. But how can a parent enforce their new ideas on what a genderless baby should be? It may be as simple as allowing your child to play with both “boy” and “girl” toys or watch shows and movies that may be targeted to either gender. It may also involve avoiding any stereotypes that are associated with either gender. This could mean making sure that a mother is not only seen cleaning the house but also outside doing yard work. This can help defer a child from learning negative stereotypes about the abilities of women or the masculinity of men.
Is It Healthy To Raise A Child Without Gender?
Many psychiatric professionals have given their own opinion on the positive and negative aspects of genderless parenting. Dr Stella Mavorelli from the Imperial College in London, for example, has said that we can accept that there are clear differences between boys and girls while still allowing our children to become whoever they want to be. While they can recognize the positive implications of not limiting a child to the gender expectations of one gender or the other, they have stated that this may cause confusion in a young child. It is important for a child to develop a strong sense of self at a young age so that they can better navigate the world around them. If their parents present one idea of what gender is and society shows them another, they only become more confused and lack a sense of self identity.
There is not much research on the effects of this parenting style as it is still very new. The best thing a young parent can do is to denounce negative stereotypes of either gender while still making sure their child feels that they have a sense of identity within themselves. It is important for us to encourage our young girls to be leaders and fighters while also teaching our boys to be kind and compassionate. At the end of the day it does not matter what toys our children play with or what movies they watch, it is important that we raise our children to be expecting of others and to be who they feel most comfortable being.
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